Building References Who Will Actually Pick Up the Phone

Why References Matter More Than Most People Think

References remain surprisingly important even in a field flooded with LinkedIn profiles and online portfolios. Hiring managers use reference checks as a final verification step, especially for senior roles or positions where cultural fit carries real weight. A strong reference call often confirms what a resume hints at—that you’re reliable, collaborative, and perform well under real-world conditions. A mediocre reference, on the other hand, creates doubt exactly when you can least afford it.

The challenge is that references need to be recent enough to speak credibly about your current capabilities, and they need to have enough context about your actual work to say something specific and meaningful rather than generic praise. Someone who hasn’t worked with you in seven years, or who knew you only tangentially, often can’t deliver the impact you need.

Who Makes a Strong Reference

The best references are people who have directly managed you, led projects you worked on, or collaborated with you closely enough to speak to your real strengths and work habits. A former manager is typically the strongest choice because they’ve seen you across multiple contexts and made hiring or promotion decisions about you. A peer or colleague can work well too, especially if you collaborated on something meaningful and they can speak to your specific skills and reliability.

What matters most is not their seniority or title—it’s that they can say something true and specific about what you actually do. Someone who will say “she brought real attention to detail and asked the right questions in meetings” is more valuable than someone who says “he was great to work with” but can’t say much beyond that.

Avoid references who barely knew you, who you parted with on unclear terms, or who have a reputation for being difficult to reach. And be honest with yourself about this. If you’re uncertain whether someone will give you a genuinely positive reference, that’s useful information to act on before a recruiter calls them.

How to Ask Someone to Be a Reference

Most people are willing to serve as a reference if asked directly and given enough context to do it well. The key is to make the ask easy and specific. Reach out before you list someone as a reference—don’t surprise them with a call from a recruiter. A short email or call works: “I’m in the process of interviewing for roles in X field, and I’d really value your willingness to serve as a reference if a company calls. Would you be comfortable with that?”

Give them something concrete to work with. Brief them on the types of roles you’re pursuing and remind them of specific projects you worked on together. If months or years have passed since you last worked together, a quick summary helps: “We collaborated on the marketing campaign for Y, and I’ve since moved into more senior positions doing Z.” This isn’t about manipulation—it’s about giving them a starting point so they can speak accurately and confidently about your abilities.

Ask permission before listing someone’s contact information with a recruiter. Confirm that they’re still reachable at the number or email you’re providing, and give them a heads-up that they might receive a call in the coming weeks. A simple “Thanks for being willing to do this—you might hear from a recruiter at XYZ Company in the next week or two” means they won’t be caught off guard.

Keeping References Engaged Over Time

The reality of maintaining good references is that it requires ongoing, low-effort contact. You don’t need to be in frequent touch, but staying on someone’s radar pays off significantly when you need their help. A brief message every six months or a year—sharing a genuine update, congratulating them on something you learned about them, or simply checking in—keeps the relationship warm without being burdensome.

When you land a new job or take on a significant project, a quick note to past colleagues and managers is worth doing. “I wanted to let you know I’m now leading projects in X” doesn’t require a response, but it keeps them informed and reminds them of your progress. People are generally more willing to serve as references for someone whose career they’ve followed in a general way than for someone who disappeared completely and suddenly reappeared asking for a favor.

What to Do If Someone Won’t Respond

Sometimes someone you want to list as a reference has become unreachable, moved companies multiple times, or simply isn’t responsive. This is a problem worth acknowledging and solving before it becomes a blocker during a job search. If you try reaching someone and don’t hear back within a week, don’t force it. Move to someone else.

Having three to four solid references is usually enough, and depth matters far more than getting exactly the person you hoped for. If your most recent manager is unavailable, a direct peer from that role or a client you worked with closely can often do the job just as well. The goal is people who can speak credibly about recent, relevant work you’ve done.

The Bottom Line

A reliable reference list is built through years of genuine working relationships, maintained through occasional contact, and kept current by adding people as your career progresses. The best time to strengthen these relationships is when you don’t immediately need them. Pick up the phone or send a message to someone you’ve worked with well and tell them you’d value serving as a reference for each other going forward. When a hiring manager calls during your next job search, they’ll be calling someone who actually knows your work and is ready to pick up.